


Hold

by orphan_account



Category: Real Person Fiction, The Smiths
Genre: Angst, Brain Surgery, Car Accidents, Character Death, Coma, Hospitals, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After getting hit by a car, Steven spends the little time he has left in the hospital with Johnny by his side.
Relationships: Johnny Marr/Morrissey
Kudos: 4





	Hold

**Author's Note:**

> based on 'Girlfriend In A Coma' by The Smiths xx

"Are you sure you'd like to walk? I can always pick you up."

"I need the exercise, I'll be fine! I'll see you soon."

"If you insist. I love you."

"I love you too." Johnny hung up and sighed. His husband Steven was walking home from work today and he had a really uneasy feeling about it. Nevertheless, he started dinner and waited for Steven to get home.

-

"He should be home by now," Johnny said to himself, pacing around the living room. Suddenly, his phone rang, startling him.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Johnny Marr?” 

"Yes it is."

"Mr. Marr, you may want to sit down." Johnny felt panic rise in his chest and his eyes widened. He sat down, shaking.

"Okay, I'm sat down."

"Your husband, Steven, is in the emergency room. He's been hit by a car. We don't know if he'll survive the night." Johnny felt like his chest was being crushed by a thousand bricks and he couldn't believe what he was just told.

-

A few days later, Steven was finally admitted into the hospital and out of the emergency room. He was in the ICU and Johnny came over as soon as he could when he was told Steven able to be visited. Johnny walked into Steven’s room with a big smile on his face but it quickly fell; dozens of tubes were attached to Steven and he had one down his throat. Johnny felt tears coming to his eyes and he slowly walked over to Steven's side. He tentatively reached out and placed his hand atop of Steven's and his skin was icy cold and greyish, far different from the warm and light pinky hue he was used to.

"Hey Moz," Johnny whispered, a single tear falling from his eye. He sat down and looked at his lover; he was covered in lacerations, bruises, and abrasions, his legs were in casts, and it sickened Johnny to see him like that.

"You're going to pull through this, I know you will."

-

Johnny visited Steven in the hospital everyday for weeks, sitting by his side and singing to him until one day, Steven finally opened his eyes. Steven looked around the room and reached up, grabbing at the tube down his throat and Johnny looked at his in astonishment before he ran out to fetch a nurse. The nurse took the tube out and Steven coughed viscously. He mouthed 'water', as he couldn't speak quite yet and Johnny went into the hallway to grab him a paper cup filled with water.

"Here you go darling." Steven struggled to lift his head up to drink but he did it, and handed Johnny the cup once he was finished. 

"Oh Steven..." Tears of joy streamed down Johnny's cheeks and he tightened his grip on Steven's hand.

-

"How are you feeling today?" Johnny asked and Steven grimaced. 

"My head is hurting far worse than yesterday."

"Shall I find the doctor?" Steven nodded and Johnny got up, navigating his way through the hospital until he found Steven's doctor.

"Mr. Marr, is there a problem?" Johnny nodded.

"My husband is saying his head is in terrible pain." The doctor nodded and started writing on the clipboard he was holding.

"I'll make sure he can have an MRI immediately." Johnny felt a tad more relieved.

"Alright, thank you." Johnny walked back to Steven's room and found him looking out of the window.

"Nice day, isn't it?" Steven looked at Johnny and nodded.

"Mhm. I can't wait to be able to go outside again." 

"That'll be a fabulous day. I spoke with your doctor and he told me he'd get you in for an MRI right away." Steven looked down at his hands and frown.

"I have a bad feeling." Johnny cupped Steven's chin and lifted his head up so he was looking at him.

"About what?" Steven deeply sighed as tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

"I've not got long." Johnny felt his stomach drop and he thought he was going to be sick at the words.

"Please don't say that Steven, you know you're recovering, you're doing so well." Steven sniffled and wiped at his eyes and nodded.

"Yeah. You're right."

-

"Steven... you have... you have a severe aneurysm in your brain. You're going into emergency surgery tomorrow. That's why your head was hurting you so much." Johnny was trying to give Steven the news as gently and delicately as he could but there was so no easy way to say it. Steven pressed his lips together and nodded.

"I see." The pair sat in silence for what seemed like hours before Steven took a deep breath.

"I want to go outside. Please have someone help me into a wheelchair." Johnny quickly nodded and ran out to get someone to help. A nurse came in and it was much of a struggle to get Steven out of the bed and into the wheelchair but it was successful.

"Can we go outside?"

"Of course we can." With a nurse rolling Steven along, the three went to a garden outside of the hospital and Johnny sat down on a bench next to Steven as the nurse gave them a moment to themselves.

"I never thought it would end like this. I thought we were going to grow old and forgetful together, still living in our little flat." Johnny bit his lip and sharply inhaled; this wasn't the end, it couldn't be.

"You're not dying in some hospital bed." Steven looked at Johnny and half smiled, knowing that wasn't true. 

"Well I-" Steven pressed his fingers against his temples and let out a wince.

"Fuck, can we go back? My head." The nurse came over and Steven took one final breath of fresh air and was wheeled back inside.

-

Today's the day. Steven's big surgery; it had half a chance of him getting better, half a chance of something not so pleasant.

"I love you Johnny." Steven was smiling at his his husband as he held his hand, head shaved and loopy on sedatives. He'd been so nervous for the surgery the doctors had to give him a high dose of Xanax.

"I love you Steven. So much." Steven was wheeled into the operating room and Johnny was left on his own in the waiting room.

"Goodbye," Johnny whispered as he held his head in his hands.

-

Seven hours later, a surgeon emerged with a somber expression on his face. Johnny immediately stood up as he walked over to him.

"Well?" Johnny's tone was sharp, though he hadn't intended it to be.

"Mr. Marr... we did everything we could but... Steven didn't make it." Johnny felt a shockwave of sorrow overwhelm his body.

"What?" His tone was meek and sheepish as he rapidly blinked.

"Your husband passed away. I'm so sorry." Johnny sat down and stared at the floor. The amount of grief he was feeling was unfathomable. Another couple hours passed and a nurse came out into the waiting room holding a bag and a folded up piece of paper.

"Here is Steven's belongings. He also left this for you. I'm so sorry for your loss." Johnny took hold of the bag and set it down on the chair next to him and looked at the paper. It read 'Johnny' embellished with hearts around it. Johnny took a deep breath and opened it.

'Johnny, my love,

I'm so sorry we didn't get to say a proper goodbye. I'm looking over you in Heaven now, I'll never leave you. Please take good care of our sweet kitten Peaches for me, although I know you will. I truly hope you have an amazing life from this point on and I hope you'll never forget me. I'll never forget you.

I love you.

Moz xx'

Johnny didn't know it, until he saw other people staring at him, but he was fully balling. The note was beautiful, just like Steven. But the thing was, how was he going to live without the love of his life?


End file.
